Let’s just hand them the Sears Trophy right now

We get it USC: you’re unstoppable.  You’re unbeatable.  All your starters can get into the Polaroid Beach House in Malibu and walk-on parts in The Hills.  Is it just me or does anyone get a vaguely familiar Entourage vibe from USC every year? Clearly Mark Sanchez slips into Matt Leinart’s former role as the Vincent Chase of the group with Pete Carroll as Ari since he’s the oldest and most media friendly.  What else can you expect?  It’s Hollywood, a town without a professional football franchise, so therefore USC is automatically the hottest ticket in town.  And why wouldn’t they be?  Who else are you going to watch? UCLA?  God bless them, I rooted for them in their opener against Tennessee, but it would probably be best if they just packed up the pads and cancelled the remainder of the season.

With that being said, my thoughts on the AP Poll:

1.) USC: Remember back in the day, when everyone was talking about how the University of Miami played like a pro team? Well, that’s USC today.  SEC fans, spare me the tales about how “easy” the Pac 10 is (God knows I’ve thought it myself) but you have to give USC props for scheduling OSU.  Granted OSU is a perennial choker, but they’re not a cupcake team.  I would say they’re more like a creme brulee team in that once you get past the thin layer of caramel, it’s smooth sailing.

2) Oklahoma: Really all I can say about Oklahoma is that I enjoy watching the people ride around the field in the covered wagon.  It reminds me of that Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman movie  Far and Away.

3) Georgia: As soon as Georgia was announced as the #1 team I knew that a) they would immediately lose the #1 ranking after the first game and b) that they would continue to drop until they go to Jacksonville and get torn up by the Gators.  Let’s be clear: I do not hate Georgia, but I don’t feel much goodwill towards them either because I always want them to beat the Gators and they rarely deliver plus I blame Mark Richt for inflicting us Seminoles with the Jeff Bowden Years.  

4) Florida: Don’t even get me started.

5) Missouri: If they can keep the momentum, expect them to go up once the SEC teams start picking each other off. 

6) LSU: I can’t really talk (I’m just saying that because I totally am about to go on a rant) because Florida State played two very easy teams in a row, but let me break down LSU’s first three scheduled games: Appalachian State (W), Troy (postponed) and North Texas (W). They face Auburn next week (you know, Auburn, the powerhouse who put up three glorious points on Saturday) and then Mississippi State (that other SEC dyanmo who posted two whole points in the aforementioned Auburn skirmish).   By the way, Tulane is scheduled in November for good measure. Oh and this is the reigning National Champion, in case you forgot.

7) Texas: Some time a few years ago I became obsessed with Texas games just because I enjoyed watching Mathew McConaughey’s bizarre sideline antics.  I could care less about the actual game being played, I just want to see some shirtless MM dancing.  Oh and maybe fellow ‘Horn Owen Wilson could drop by as well.

8.) Wisconsin: Honestly I kind of tuned out anything football related coming out of Wisconsin after the Brett Farve fiasco.

9) Alabama: This school fascinates me for two reasons: 1) gameday fashion: I love that grown men will walk around in white button down shirts and bright red pants with “A”’s on them and 2) I await for the Tide to turn on Nick Saban.  I give them two to three more years.

10) Auburn: Well, we know they can kick field goals!

17) Yeah I just jumped from 10-17.  So Oregon.  I admire any team that wears uniforms that look like they were based on a dare.  See also Virginia Tech.

18) Wake Forest: So I was at my alumni viewing watching party yesterday and if I had a dollar for every time anyone said “we’re playing really well but the real test is Wake Forest” I would be able to fill up a Denali with post-Ike premium gasoline prices.  Never in my life did I ever expect to hear the words “real test” combined with “Wake Forest”. Also they’re ranked higher than us.  I’m humbled (but not humbled enough to stop talking trash throughout this post).

23) Clemson: They frighten me.  Let me clarify this: I’m not so much afraid of the team, but just call me Fox Mulder because I do believe in the theory that every time Tommy’s job is on the bubble, FSU loses to them.  Coincidence?  You be the judge. 

24) Florida State: It’s a sad day when I have to call my father the minute the AP Poll is announced to triumphantly tell him that we’ve cracked the Top 25 and our scores will now be easier to find on ESPN.  Still, I consider it an accomplishment and I hope we can keep up the momentum going into the “real test with Wake Forest”.  Honestly we need the win because I don’t want to have to burn my lucky gameday shirt.