Colt, Jorts, and Jack-O-Lanterns

Last week was a fantastic day in college football…for me at least, maybe not for Kentucky, Phil Fulmer, or the Virginia Tech Hokies, but I had an awesome time.  I went back to Tallahassee, took pictures in front of every statue at the stadium (seriously, Florida State and the city of Tallahassee-at large are crazy about the statues), saw W., ate Mexican two nights in a row and saw my beloved Seminoles win again.  True confession: I’ve never attended a football game where the team I was rooting for lost.  Therefore, I would like to announce that I will be attending the Florida State game this Saturday at Georgia Tech (which automatically makes me better off than Corey Surrancy*).  Look for me on the Visitor’s Side, I’ll be the little girl bundled up in a faux-fur coat and Bill Belichick-style headband.

*So I was thinking that between the players getting suspended left and right, the winning streak, and knocking quarterbacks out of games, this 2008 Seminole Team reminds me somewhat of the ones in the mid to late Nineties.  Although it’s not the same without a tearful Steve Spurrier throwing his visor in disgust, but I’ll take it.

Moving on, it’s time for the annual Floria/Georgia game.  (Of course I will be at another game between a Florida team and a Georgia team but we’ve covered that).  So there’s all this talk about the bad blood between the teams, how Florida thinks Georgia is crass and cocky for celebrating on the field and how Tim Tebow has the highest quarterback rating in performing circumcisions.  I’m calling this one for Florida because a) I want them to win every game until November 29, b) my brother goes to Florida, c) karma points and d) Tim Tebow Hot Wings.

Each week I pray that Penn State will lose.  To be perfectly honest, that’s the only thing I pray about which is probably why it hasn’t happened…yet.  Anyway, since they’re off this weekend I am going to concentrate all my energy on Texas losing to Texas Tech just because I love an upset.  Of course, I’ll come back here on Sunday and they’ll still be ranked Number 1, but I can dream.

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Week 9 NFL Picks

I’m coming off a 10-4 week, my best yet, so I’m feeling rather smug as I check in with this weeks picks.  Invariably this means I will probably have my first below .500 showing, but that’s okay.  10-4 baby!  And if I’d gone with my gut on my Bucs/Dallas pick, I would have been 11-3.  I knew the NFL couldn’t risk having their beloved Boys lose another game this early!  God forbid!  Anyhow, not a bad week, hopefully we can pull the same this week.

Buffalo over the Jets: I’m not sure what happened in Buffalo/Miami, but I feel that Buff is a much better team than the Jets.  Now if the Jets are wise, they’ll feed the ball a lot more to Leon Washington (SEMINOLE!!!) because he makes things happen, but we know Favre will throw a few more picks and probably lose the game this time.  Is the shine coming off the apple?  I heard a few announcers actually criticize the Annointed One this week!  The world may be ending, where’s Madden?  Surely he can restore the Brett love to appropriate levels to spare us sure doom!

Chicago over Detroit: Beloved Lions, you tried so hard last week to end my dream, but you kept it alive for me didn’t you?  I don’t think you’ll duplicate that near success this week, Chicago is coming off a bye and actually playing pretty well, so I expect a couple TD victory for the Bears.  Thanks Lions, keep up the good work!

Jax over Cincy: Alright, looks like we should be 2-2 on the Ofer teams again this week!  Jax is underachieving this year, sure, but even they should be able to take the Palmerless Bengals.  I read that Housh (no way am I looking up the spelling, you all know who I’m talkin about) will walk if the team goes 0-16.  Um, wouldn’t you still want to walk if they go 1-15 or 2-14?  At least if you go Ofer, you’re epically bad!  Good god man, think a little, will ya?

Baltimore over Cleveland: I continue my attempt to thwart Baltimore’s season by picking them to win every week.  Plus, they could actually take this one, though Cleveland looked better in last week’s win than they’ve looked all year thus far.  We’ll see.  Still hating you Ravens!

Green Bay over Tennessee: Yep, I’m going for the upset.  Tenn was great the other night against Indy, but they’ve got a short week, they’re due a loss, and they’re still a bunch of guys I really haven’t heard of QBed by Kerry Collins.  They aren’t going 16-0, so I’ll go for the loss here.  I’ll probably regret it, but there you go.

Arizona over St. Louis: This is the kind of game Arizona finds a way to lose, but I’m having faith that they’ll take care of business against the Rams again.  They have Boldin back, awesome as ever, and a much better offense.  The Rams got their wins, back to losing.

Minnesota over Houston: I was tempted to take Houston here, but Minny’s at home and it feels like it’ll be a big dose of Peterson that will give them the win.  Meanwhile, do you think Minnesota will go for a QB in the offseason?  I mean, they might have done something in the North if they actually had a QB.  Novel concept, I know!

Tampa Bay over Kansas City: Because the Bucs should be damn angry after their loss in Dallas and because KC is KC.  I believe Johnson is still out and I couldn’t name anyone else on that offense other than the unhappy Gonzalez, who probably will try to hide in the Bucs equipment and get smuggled out of town.  Bucs big this week.

Denver over Miami: Here, right here is a game with two teams that I can’t figure out for the life of me.  Miami rears up and wins against good teams, so they could do this here.  Denver has a hell of an offense but apparently nobody playing defense.  So what happens here?  Does Brown get 300 yards?  Does Denver light it up?  I haven’t a clue, I’m going with Denver because they should win, but the whole AFC East is just a giant bunch of suck this year.

Atlanta over Oakland: Ahhh Matt Ryan, welcome back to playing against crappy teams.  I’m sure you’ll find it much more rewarding than the Panthers/Bucs/Eagles of the world.  I really have nothing to say about Oakland, other than they have a good kicker (of course, he’s a Nole) and a crazy owner.  I don’t expect much of anything out of the Raiders until Al Davis dies or sells the team, whichever happens first.

Giants over Dallas: You got your free win, Boys, take it and run.  The Giants D will get a hell of a lot more pressure on the immobile Brad Johnson than my moronic team did and they will get turnovers and win this game.  Odds of a TO rant on the sidelines?  5:1.

Philly over Seattle: Hey, Philly won a World Series last night, the Eagles should roll with that.  I’m not sure where Seattle found that offense last week, I’m guessing that SF gave them a lot of turnovers?  I really don’t know, but they aren’t doing it against Philly.

Indy over NE: Why?  I have no idea.  Because this is the sort of game that Manning will remember that he’s Manning?  Because Matt Cassel is on the road in a scary place?  Because NE is pretty beat up?  One of these things will equate to a Colts win.

Pittsburgh over Washington: Pitt is one of the toughest teams I’ve ever seen.  I really like watching them play.  I’m no Big Ben fan, but he does get up, hit after hit, and make some plays that are almost Favrian!  They’re tough.  Washington?  Really isn’t.  They’re 6-2 and seem to play up or down to the level of competition.  Which means they should play well this game, but their lack of ability to shut down teams like the Rams and Lions don’t give me great faith in their chances on Monday night. 

Last Week:  10-4

Season Record:  67-48

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If You’re Going To Screw Us, At Least Buy Us Flowers First

Original Pic Courtesy of Getty Images

Dear NFL,

I get it, really I do.  Here you are, a season in disarray.  The golden boy quarterback was out for the year 8 minutes into the season, the other best QB in the league has looked like a shell of himself this year, teams that should suck aren’t (Atlanta, Miami) and teams that should be good aren’t (San Diego, Indy, GB).  Panic city.  What can we hold on to if we can’t rely on those NFL truths we look to every year?  Up is down and down is up.  You are desperately trying to find some semblance of right in a world of wrong.

Since Brady is out and Manning isn’t all there, you needed to pick a horse to hitch the NFL star wagon on and you selected Dallas.  They’ve got a starting QB who’s a blossoming star with a superstar girlfriend, a diva WR that everybody tunes in to see, whether he’s sulking or scoring, a troubled cornerback left for dead and an owner who is one of the faces of the league.  With a super offense, why not ride Dallas all the way to ratings blockbusters and NFL glory?

But a funny thing happened on the way to the big game.  Romo got hurt, Pacman got suspended, Jerry’s face would show dismay if it could move, and TO has been doing more sulking than scoring.  Dallas started the season 3-0 but then dropped 3 of their last 4 to have a 4-3 record going into today’s match up with Tampa Bay.  With 40 year old Brad Johnson at the helm against one of the top defenses in the league, it was time for drastic measures.  You couldn’t afford to have Dallas lose another game!  Not at home!  Not even to a fellow playoff contender.  America’s team had to win and you saw to it that that was the case didn’t you?

Tampa dominated the game early on, held Dallas to a couple of 3 and outs to start the game and had them punt on their third possession as well.  Meanwhile the offense was moving through the Dallas D, marching up the field.  Fortunately for you, and for Dallas, they kept crapping out in the red zone, having to settle for 2 field goals instead of touchdowns.  Dallas finally had some momentum and got a field goal, it was looking like we’d head into the locker room with a 6-3 lead.  But then you saw a moment and you seized it.

It all started the way the whole drive started, with a horsecollar penalty on Ronde Barber.  I saw it, agree it was one, and it was unnecessary as hell on 3rd and 12 with 3 other Bucs waiting to tackle Barber if Ronde didn’t get him.  So Dallas was in field goal range and we had to figure it was gonna be 6-6 at the half.  Fine, with Bucs D that was alright.  But you weren’t satisfied with getting Dallas a FG were you?  Nope, they needed the lead at the half!  Sooo you had the refs call a pass interference penalty.  I would have been fine with this had you been calling them against Dallas as well, but you weren’t.  Nope, that was reserved for the Bucs.  First down Dallas with about 25 seconds to go.  Ok, we can still hold them to a field goal, no problem!  Oh look!  There’s that Columbo guy picking a fight with Cato June right in front of the ref.  I mean, he’s standing right there and can clearly see Colombo take a swing at Cato before Cato swings back!  Flag flies.  Alright, it’s gotta be on Columbo, he started it and the ref saw him do it.  At worst, it’s offsetting since Cato retaliated.  But no…no for some reason Cato was the only one flagged.  Half the distance to the goal.  One play, TD.  10-6 at the half, enraged Bucs defenders, enraged Bucs fans.

I know they say the last guy always gets caught, but the ref was STANDING RIGHT THERE WATCHING THE WHOLE THING.  Not to mention the fact that Columbo got in 2 other fights earlier in the game!  What the hell?  How could you not flag him?  I’ll tell you how!  You wanted Dallas to eek out a win, and eek they did.  I don’t mind if my team loses, I really don’t, it’s the NFL, you get used to your team losing.  But them having to beat both Dallas and the refs?  Not fair, not cool.  This is the second game that the Bucs have been screwed by some terrible calls, but at least in the Saints game they felt like shitty calls, not preplanned “fix” calls.  You should be ashamed of yourself.  You took what could have been a great game and turned it into a pathetic farce.  You got your one Dallas win, I’d like to see you try that shit next week against the Giants.

Sincerely,

A disappointed fan

PS  And by the way, since when can a cameraman don a jersey of the team playing?  I saw the Dallas cameraman, was he there to make sure if instant replay was needed nobody would see anything definitive in the Bucs favor?  Not very subtle, league, not very subtle!

• In other non-cheating NFL news, I’d like to congratulate both Detroit and Cincy for keeping that 0-16 dream alive.  You’re at the halfway point, men, I’m so proud of you!  Just keep perserving and bring the dream home for me!  I know you can do it!
• Welcome back to reality, Rams.  Nice comeback by Cassel in New England, it’s nice to see that he can bring the team back from the brink of a loss.  They’re not the juggernaut they would be with Tom, but they still have potential in the wide open AFC.
• Hooray, Brett Favre led another come from behind win!  Never mind the fact that he was thre reason they had to come from behind, with his 3 interception day, but he’s still the awesomest QB ever to step on the field!  Where’s Madden?  I need a Favre montage, pronto!
• Perhaps New Orleans and San Diego should play all their games in London.  They put up 37 and 32 points respectively in a NO win.  I bet the people of London were happy after that crappy Giants/Miami game in the rain last year, at least they might get why we like this sport so much (you know, when the fix isn’t in!  Hi NFL refs!)
• Welcome to the coaching ranks, Mike Singletary.  I bet you didn’t expect to get beaten down by the lowly Seahawks for your first game did you?  I know I didn’t expect it, thanks for sticking me with a loss!  Sigh.  Must everyone cross me?
• Holy crap, I just saw that Brett’s wife took to the blogosphere to defend him against the Lions tampering charges, complaining about the heavy toll that all these rumors are having upon him.  BOO FRIGGIN HOO lady.  If your husband had stayed retired, or not retired in the first place, you wouldn’t be in such a shit storm.  Cry me a river.  Sorry, but no sympathy from this end of the blog world for you guys.  Welcome to the NFL and New York.
• Do the Dolphins hate me?  I mean, we’re entering Raven territory with them here.  I pick them to win, they lose, I pick them to lose, they win.  What in the hell is with this team?  I don’t remember Chad Pennington being this confounding when he was with the Jets.  Maybe it’s the Tuna factor?  I guess Ted Ginn finally lived up to his 9th pick status (hehe) and managed to get 175 reception yards.  Go Miami I guess, I don’t get you.  And Buffalo disappointed me.  Maybe NE will take the East again after all.
• Hey Redskins, you lost to the Rams and you nearly lost to Detroit.  You wanna get your heads out of your asses?  You might be the crappiest 6-2 team I’ve ever seen.  Maybe they only get up for divisional foes?  I don’t know, but you fail to impress, yet again.
• Westbrook was finally back and lo and behold, so were the Eagles.  Brian got 2 TD’s and 167 yards.  Matt Ryan had another big game statistically but had 2 picks.  The Falcons are a decent team but they’re not yet good enough to win against good defenses on the road.  They’re a heck of a lot better than anybody expected them to be though.
• Oh Arizona, you and the east coast just don’t get a long.  You had a decent lead on the Panthers but you let them come rushing back and beat you 28-23.  Congrats to Boldin on being back and getting another TD though.  I’m glad you’re healthy, come be a Buc.  Anyway, I saw no highlights of this game but did see Delhomme acting Douchetastic on the sidelines.  I found him annoying, but then I always do.  We’ll see you soon Jake, number one for now in the south but not for long.
• Baltimore beat Oakland, which I expected, but I will continue my voodoo against them every week due to their usually toying with me.  I’m also mad that they failed to leave any diamonds or rolexes in their plane that I got to ride the next day from Baltimore.  Throw a gal a bone, will ya?  Not that kind of bone, pervs.
• Hey Cleveland, where was that offense last week when I was watching you live?  They completed a ton of long passes today in their upset of Jacksonville and the game was awesome at the end.  Jax managed to drive down to the 25 with about 10 seconds to go and Gerrard threw a pass to Jones in the end zone that he juggled 3 times.  Just as he was about to catch it a Cleveland DB reached over and knocked it away.  They had one second left and overthrew the end zone and Cleveland held on 23-17.  Good game.  Not so good?  Jax’s playoff hopes.  Yet another team I can’t figure out.
• We had a real defensive battle between the Giants and Steelers today.  I love watching tough teams like that battle it out.  Ben had a few interceptions and amazingly the Giants got a safety when James Harrison, standing in at long snapper, snapped the ball over the punters head.  Why not have the center be the back up long snapper?  He’s at least used to handling the ball that way…defensive guy? Not so much.  That led to a Giants touchdown with 3 minutes to go.  Pitt actually had 2 chances in those final 3 minutes but got stopped twice on 4th down, the last one via interception.  More importantly, I was reunited with one of my college boyfriends, Limas Sweed, who is now a Steeler.  Yay Limas!
• And because I know you were waiting for it, the Douchetard of the Week award can go only one way.  If you read the beginning of my blog, you know.  It’s the refs in the Dallas game!  For helping the Cowboys snatch victory from the better team, you, Dallas refs and cameraman, are our Douchetards of the Week.  Congratulations!

That’s it for me for the day games.  It’s been a long, exhausting day thanks to my Bucs loss.  But despite that, I’m 9-4 on the week, which isn’t bad at all.  Improvement is good.  I’ll check in with you next week, maybe the refs won’t affect a game next week?  Nah, too much to ask!

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USC vs Penn State, It’s Inevitable

AP

I wish I was talking about this year’s Rose Bowl match up, but I’m quite certain that this will be our BCS championship game.  It won’t matter if Texas and Bama manage to win out, the voters will find a way to get it done.  Who cares if they both just squeaked by their opponents this week?  It’s predestined!  JoePa HAS to be in a title game, he was never gifted with one before (er, I mean, uhhhh, well that was awhile ago dammit!)  USC has to be in the championship game because they’re USC!!!  OMG USC 4EVA!!!  Perhaps Texas will be punished this week for their mere 4 point victory against OK State.  Penn State & USC won by 7 baby!  IMPRESSIVE!!! Sarcasm much?  Hey, it’s in the title of my site, you knew what you were in for!

• How fun is Texas Tech/Texas going to be next week?  TT is awesome to watch, Harrell and Crabtree are a hell of an offensive combo.  This week Colt actually had a few turnovers, which I thought he was incapable of.  I’m sure it’s USC’s fault, they arranged for it to happen.
• The ACC continues to be indicative of the wacky year in college football.  How in the hell did UVA work their way up from laughable doormat to contention in their division?  Props to Miami for knocking off Wake for the Noles, we needed the assistance.  UNC continues to play some good ball and Duke took down Vandy.  Vandy, that was somehow previously ranked in the top 15.  Yeah…uh…next time you might wanna wait before declaring them the darlings of the SEC, media.  Sheesh.
• Speaking of the ACC, my Noles took down Va Tech 30-20 in Tally.  While the game wasn’t dominant, it was a very nice win.  The defense knocked out 2 quarterbacks, bringing a tear to my eye and a smile to my face.  That’s old school Nole D right there!  Ponder didn’t have a great game but he was smart with the football, which is a good sign of growth.  We lost 2 RB’s to injury, but Sims came in and helped out admirably.  Gano continues to be great at kicker, something I have not said since the beloved days of Seabass.  I miss that crazy Pollock!
• I would like to complement the refs for being able to ignore “Macho” Harris draping himself all over my WR’s several times in the game.  I mean, I guess he actually has to remove their pants and start screwing them to get a flag, but whatever.  First round draft pick!  Macho Man!  Thankfully, my boy Greg Carr stepped up late in the game and made two awesome catches in Macho’s face.  Take that, Macho!  Oh and that Easterling TD in the back of the end zone was a thing of beauty!  I didn’t think he even got any feet down, but somehow that tip toe made it!  Awesome!
• Holy Beatdown in the Bayou!  GA puts up 52 on LSU?  52???  I know LSU lost a lot of players to the draft last year but damn.  I’d like to think that this performance bodes well for GA against UF next week.  They too put up 52 on LSU so maybe GA was just making a statement, we can do it too!  Knowshon ripped off a pretty 68 yard run that I happened to see during my flipping on commercials, he saw the hole, waited a second and zoom!  I love him.
• Soooo will Tennessee consider firing Fulmer now?  While their defense wasn’t terrible, they did lose by 20 at home to Bama, who has not been an offensive juggernaut in recent weeks.  I’m fairly sure the Tenn fans want this done.  I know Fulmer won a championship 10 years ago (thanks Mario Edwards, douche) but ten years is a long time.  We’ll see if that was the nail in the coffin.
• Missouri bounced back from their beatdown by Texas by shutting out Colorado 58-0.  Where was that defense a week ago?  I know there’s a difference between Tex and Colorado but still, it takes some talent to get a shut out!  The Big 12 is a lot of fun this year, they may just be my fave conference, god knows they have the QB talent.  OK also put up 58.  I love offense!
• Speaking of offense, how about that offensive explosion in the Ohio State/Penn State game!!!  Whooo hooo, giving the Big 12 a run for it’s money, the Big 10 baby!  Alright, not so much.  This was a defensive battle to save all defensive battles.  Both defenses managed to shut down the other teams running games and the passing wasn’t really there, but thanks to a Pryor fumble in the 4th quarter, Penn State pulled off a win.  I really thought Ohio State might score a TD on their final drive but a pick in the end zone sealed the deal.  Impressive win, I suppose, but I wouldn’t call it BCS worthy.
• And now it’s time for a rant.  A couple of weeks ago I had on ESPN and some moron commentator actually had the balls to say that if Texas and Bama and Penn State won out, Penn State should leapfrog at least one of them and play for the championship.  Why?  Because JoePa is beloved.  The hell???  JoePa has won titles before, it’s not like he’s 81 and never had a championship.  Who does Penn State play besides Ohio State?  I’m waiting….um…nobody.  Right.  So they should leapfrog Bama if they run through the SEC?  Really?  Or Texas if they make it unscathed through the Big 12?  I mean, of course!  He’s JOEPA!  If I handed out Douchetard awards for college football, that commentator would win it.  Just to demonstrate his lack of knowledge, I don’t even know who the hell he was.  Irrelevant fool!  Rant over.
• Speaking of the Big 10, the Spartans knocked off the Wolverines for the first time in 18 or so years.  Good for them, Ringer continues to impress and I look forward to seeing him in the NFL in a year or so.  As to Michigan, what a lost year it is.  West Virginia fans chortle with glee.
• As to the Big East, supposed powerhouses (HA) Pitt and USF both went down.  I would give you some analysis but let’s face it, I, like most of the world, pay no attention to the Big East.  They’re pretty irrelevant in the big picture.  Welcome back to reality USF.  Roy31 at STFU actually told me Pitt was pretty good and could beat my Noles.  To that I say another HA!  They lost to a shitty Rutgers team (Schiano is still kicking himself for NOT taking that Michigan job) and should fall out of the rankings.  See ya Panthers!
• I would give you an intense breakdown of the USC game, but let’s face it, it was on after my bedtime and I wouldn’t have watched it had I been awake.  I guess Arizona was supposed to be some tough test for them and they survived it (like there is any such thing as a tough test in the Pac 10).  They won by 7 over a Stoops coached team.  I might be impressed if that Stoops team was Bob’s, but no, it was just Mike’s.  A 17-10 game for USC?  Really?  Color me unimpressed, but go ahead and vault them over OK in the rankings anyway.  You only have so many weeks left to get them to their rightful position voters!

Well that’s all I have from the week in college football.  There weren’t any major shakeups, but I’m sure we have more coming.  Next week we get that Texas Tech/Texas matchup and UF vs. GA, so it should be fun!  See ya for those games and more!

 

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Going back to Tally

Just call me Chris Farley auditioning for Chippendales because I am working for the weekend.  Honestly, this week was intense.  Here’s what’s been going on:

a) I have to worry that I’m going to be stuck at voting precinct for hours on election day because I’m too busy to take off for early voting,

b) I’m concerned that any donations I make to my political party are being spent at Saks Fifth Avenue and other stores that I can’t afford to shop at,

c) No matter how many times the kindly announcers at ABC remind me, I always forget that Life on Mars is new every Thursday,

and

d) I’ve been sitting in my cold apartment afraid to turn the heat on because I’m afraid OPEC will raise the price of oil (I’ve been reading Fox News online too much).

So here it is, Thursday night and I remembered that I’m supposed to go to Tallahassee on Saturday and watch a football game.  Honestly, I’m just excited to go somewhere warm.  I’m confident that we can pull off a win so that I can celebrate by eating Guthries Golden Fried Chicken Fingers.  If not, I’m drowning my sorrows in Guthries Golden Fried Chicken Fingers.

There are some pretty good games this week: Florida hosts Kentucky for Homecoming, so you know the Gators must not think too highly of them.  Also, it’s an early game so you’ve got drunken alumni waking up from their stupors in their old frat houses so they can load up on Tim Tebow Hot Wings.  I don’t understand the concept of the early Homecoming game.  Let me tell you something, as an alumni, we just can’t stay out late till all hours of the morning watching The Steve Miller Band at Gator Growl and then recover in time for a Noon Thirty game.  We’re old.  That’s why 3:30 games are perfect.  Night games are nice but we’re too old to be up that late.  I think that’s one of the reasons why I keep missing Life on Mars.

Also exciting is Duke at Vanderbilt.  Ha!  I’m totally lying. 

The top three BCS teams are playing this week and while they all should pull out a win, how awesome would it be if they all lost (especially Penn State)?  I mean, that would give the Sports Media something to talk about for days, eclipsing any and all stories about Tony Romo and his pinkie.  Would one of the Big 3 losing count as an October Surprise?  Won’t you be glad when it’s November 5th and I stop relating everything to politics and just go back to making inappropriate connections with film and television?  By the way, what’s up with all those quasi-sports but really more tabloid gossip-stories about who’s going to get to the alter first? Giselle and Tom or Jessica and Tony?  Let me just say right now that I firmly believe Romo will never marry Jessica.  He saw Newlyweds; he’s obviously met her father.  Not going to happen.  Never ever.

Oh and I’m really serious about getting a sideline press pass. I’m a legitimate Sports Writer.  I’ll ask the hard questions that Erin Andrews won’t, such as “Mickey Andrews, what’s up with the pirate-striped polo shirts you all sport on the road?”

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Week 8 NFL Picks

Well on weeks that I don’t watch much football, I apparently pull a 7-7 record.  That is not acceptable.  I’d like to thank Baltimore and Indy for continuing to confound me weekly.  You have earned my wrath, boys, so watch it.  Baltimore is getting my reverse voodoo and Indy may not be far behind.  On to the picks:

Tampa Bay over Dallas: I am so scared making this pick.  On paper, the Bucs should win this game handily.  Dallas is ravaged by injuries and Brad Johnson will be starting at QB.  Dallas just got bitchslapped by the Rams, so the Bucs should be able to replicate that and then some.  I just fear Dallas will get it’s crap together this week and go back to their winning ways.  Sigh.  I’ll go with my heart on this one, but I am not happy with it.

Washington over Detroit: Washington failed to impress me against the Browns last week.  They were not too good on offense but their defense played a decent game.  Still, they’re playing Detroit, captained by the infamous Dan Orlovsky (who really should have been my Douchetard a couple weeks ago when he ran out of the back of his own endzone, but I took pity on him).  Washington should win this one easily, though I said the same thing when they faced the Rams and look where that got me?

Buffalo over Miami: Miami came back to earth last week against Baltimore (thanks guys) and defensive coordinators have had a few weeks to figure out how to stop their high school playbook.  Buffalo continues to look strong, I thought they’d have a come down against San Diego but as usual, the Chargers continue to confound me and they handled them easily.  Buff is the pick here.

New England over St. Louis: Rams, are you finally going to stop overachieving and move back to your destiny of 3-13?  NE finally looked good on Monday night, thanks to a whole lot of turnovers.  More injuries have hit them but they should handle the Rams.

New Orleans over San Diego: Honestly, I have no idea how this game will go.  It’s in London and I don’t get to see it (thanks league rules saying I can’t see a game opposite my Bucs!).  I guess I trust Brees more than I do Rivers right now.  Bush is out, so that might factor in.  The fact is, neither of these teams is doing what they should be doing, they are wasting talented offensive players and underachieving big time.  Pick em, I’ll take the Aint’s.

NY Jets over KC: This is going to be a very boring game I think.  Larry Johnson is on the bench for being a jerk.  Favre hasn’t lit up the AFC East like we were led to believe.  The Chiefs are terrible and yet they continue to employ Herm and Carl.  It might be the best job in the world to work for KC or Detroit, look at how long these guys got to suck?  Lucky they aren’t owned by Al Davis I guess!  Anyway, Favre should be able to take KC at least.

Philly over Atlanta: Matt Ryan has been a revelation thus far, but he has yet to beat a team with a decent defense on the road.  Philly has not lived up to expectations this season either, but I have to believe they know they need to make a move here.  With Dallas stinking, the Skins back to earth and the Giants looking less awesome, they still have a chance to make some moves within the division.

Baltimore over Oakland: I will be picking Baltimore every week, since they insist on doing the opposite of what I say they’re going to do, so their choice will be either to do what I say or drop every game.  Suck on it Ravens.  In reality, they should take this one anyway, Oakland may have gotten their OT win against the Jets last week but the Jets don’t have Balt’s (slightly overrated but still good) defense.

Carolina over Arizona: I nearly picked AZ in this game, but I just don’t trust them on the road, not after that Jets performance a couple weeks ago.  Carolina looked dominant last week against the Saints, so we’ll see if they can ride the momentum this week.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Zona took it though.

Jacksonville over Cleveland: Oh Browns, you are such a sad little team on offense.  Throw in the Winslow drama and that doesn’t make me feel they could pull off the upset in Jax this weekend.  Weighing in on that, by the way, Winslow whining over not getting coddled enough by the team while he was in the hospital is to be expected.  He’s always been a bitchy diva, nothing new there.  I agree that the Browns need to do something about the staph infection stuff, but the GM does not have to call him when the coach and the rest of the team have.  And you don’t take that shit public.  Kellen, you’re an idiot.

Houston over Cincy: Cincy could get their first win this week, but I’m not betting on it.  Palmer’s still out, Ocho Cinco is still MIA, their defense sucks…nope, not this week.

Giants over Pittsburgh: Great game!  Could go either way, yet again.  Pitt is still pretty beat up, so I’m going with the Giants, though if they play the way they did the last couple of weeks they’ll be in trouble.  I get to watch this one, which is fun, I like seeing good matchups.

San Fran over Seattle: Oooh another Suck Bowl!  This is a toss up game as well, not sure which way to go, but it’s at SF so why not pick them?  They’ve actually been somewhat competitive in recent weeks while Seattle has not.  Maybe they could ask Jerry Rice to return and suit up for them for a week?  Very sad ending for Holmgren this year.

Tennessee over Indy: In Manning I no longer trust.  What was that last weekend?  What is going on with Indy?  Injured yes, old possibly?  I don’t get it.  You watch, Peyton will throw for 400 yards now.  Sigh.  I’m going with the team that can play D right now.

I didn’t do a wrap up this week due to my trip, but I do still have a Douchetard of the Week to share with you.  That illustrious award goes to the Vikings punt team, that gave up 2 TD to the Bears in a 1 TD loss.  For snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, the Vikings punt team is our Douchetard of the Week.

Last Week:  7-7

Season Record:  57-44

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Did Gundy’s Tirade Benefit The OSU Cowboys?

As talented coaching wise as a man such as Mike Gundy is, he will not be remember for his triumphs on the collegiate gridiron, but rather his antics in the media room – those antics, which could have arguably greatly benefited his Oklahoma State Cowboys.

On September 22nd, 2007, following a shootout victory of Big XII South rival, the then 6-1 Red Raiders of Texas Tech, Mike Gundy sent the Stillwater nation in shock, and left many college football fans in awe with a now legendary 3:20 explosion on local reporter Jenni Carlson – all in defense of Bobby Reid, who hadn’t done a lot in terms of contribution in his career with the Cowboys.

A 6′3″, 225 lb. highly touted recruit out of Houston, Texas, many compared Bobby Reid to the likes of Vince Young. With the ability to run and throw, many considered Reid to be an instant success with the Cowboys offense, and, at times he was, but injuries ruined Reid’s Cowboys career. (He is now with the Texas Southern Tigers)

Those same injuries caused a new star to glimmer in the Oklahoma dunes, a kid by the name of Zach Robinson. Robinson, who took over at times for Reid when he had been injured. Statistically, Robinson has been the better quarterback, but the position isn’t played on paper.

With the swagger that Reid possessed towards the end of his Oklahoma State career, it’s almost impossible to agree on the performances he was capable of producing if given the opportunity. He faced some deep emotional issues, and felt as though he wasn’t a part of this team anymore, but what if he was?

Certainly we’d see a brighter side to the kid, for sure someone that would actually want to put on his helmet with a sense of pride, passion and dignity. Someone in the huddle that would lead the team. And in the final few games of his career, no emotion was there. Football is a game of emotion, and Bobby Reid wasn’t playing the emotions game.

Although Coach Mike Gundy was attempting to help and defend his player amidst all the numerous controversies and criticisms, Bobby Reid didn’t feel it was necessary. Said Reid on the rant and the situation involving him and his Oklahoma State career, “It basically ended my life”.

In his 2007 campaign, Reid would go down several times with some nagging injuries, something he simply couldn’t avoid in his Oklahoma State career. Had he been healthy and all things flowing smoothly, he would have obviously been a productive value to the state of this football team as it currently is.

Overall, Reid liked Gundy as a head coach. He loved his attitude and child-like enthusiasm for the sport, and how Gundy found humor in every bit of the sport of football. Bobby Reid felt like Coach Mike Gundy was a great guy, and in a sense he had been to Reid, giving him more than a couple chances to redeem himself and make things right with his Cowboy offense.

But when there’s a will, there’s a won’t, as some like to say. It seemed as though everyone on campus realized what Reid was capable of, as did the coaching staff and even the man at the helm in Mike Gundy, too, he just didn’t shine as though expected too, he knew it, the fans knew it and so did Coach Gundy.

With a situation as sticky as this one had been over the days of Bobby Reid in Oklahoma black and orange, a coming of something such as the “kicking of someone when they are down” as Coach Gundy put it, was something that was unnecessary and really disrupted what charisma was still left at the time between Gundy and Reid.

That’s what brought forth Mike Gundy’s verbal assault on The Oklahoman’s Jenni Carlson, and while many fans, reporters, analysts and players agreed with what Mike Gundy was trying to do, one man didn’t.

That was the same man Gundy was trying to testify against, Bobby Reid. Reid didn’t understand Gundy’s principle of benching him throughout the year, then going to war for him when someone said something wrong about him. As Reid put it, “it was almost as though the rant was a fake”.

If it was a fake to anybody, it certainly hasn’t been a fake the Oklahoma State Cowboys and their football program.

Since Gundy’s tirade, the Cowboys have went an impressive 12-4 overall, including an amazing 7-0 start to the 2008 season. Zach Robinson, former backup to Bobby Reid, has scored 19 touchdowns on the season (14 through the air, 5 on the ground) and orchestrated and amazing victory of the Missouri Tigers when they were in the title discussion and the top five, at that.

In a negative sort of way, the rant helped the program by replacing a kid like Reid, who was inconsistent and bitter to a point that was pushed beyond capacity with a kid in Zach Robinson, who’s almost the perfect mold for the Oklahoma State offense. The numbers indicate that this transition has greatly benefited the team’s offense, so I guess in ways you could indicate that the rant has benefited the program.

For example, the points per game production is up by about 12 points per game compared to last season. The Cowboys are also fueled after the half, as they’ve scored 103 points in the 3rd quarter, which is already a higher mark than last season’s total and we’re about midway through this season.

Defensively, the team is playing more disciplined, fundamental football, as they’re on pace to break last season’s interception total and have already tied last year’s fumbles recovered number. With a new attitude to this team, the Cowboys are truly the “man of this town”.

The numbers, rankings and statistics point that this rant has the Oklahoma State Cowboys with a new swagger and attitude to them, one that has them in serious conference championship talks and even gaining some national attention.

This new Cowboys team has gotten the energy on-field that Gundy had off of it, and that’s ultimately, and unfortunately in some ways, been the success of the Cowboys in 2008. It will truly be interesting to see how the Cowboys and Mike Gundy finish this season, and if the rant truly is what is fueling them, or if it’s just ingenious coaching that is being overlooked.

In case you were wondering, Bobby Reid is now starting quarterback for the Texas Southern Tigers. He’s tied with Robinson in terms of touchdowns scored with 19, and holds a slim margin over Robinson in terms of passing yardage. Obviously Robinson faces stiffer competition, but it is a great thing to see that Bobby Reid is doing well and getting the opportunity that he truly deserves.

For the sake of this article, I’m ending it in a fashion relevant to that of Coach Gundy’s with this comment: “That’s all I got to say”.

 

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Living The High Life, The View From The Luxury Box

Fed Ex Field on the drive in

I have returned from my trip to Baltimore/DC a little worse for the wear…something about traveling takes everything out of me.  I was up at obscene hours every morning and didn’t get the best sleep ever, but it was worth it for a once in a lifetime trip.  And it will be once in a lifetime, since Dad will retire next year and access to the box will dry up!  I think I’m ruined for all other games from here on out, but I will always have this one weekend in October to hold on to.

The view from the box

The trip in and of itself was mostly uneventful.  The only interesting thing about the airplane experience was on our first flight back, out of Baltimore, we were on the same plane the Ravens had taken back from their game with the Dolphins the night before.  I tried in vain but did not find any left behind diamond earrings or superbowl rings or rolexes to snag.  No bling for Nole!  All I got to see was their menu for the flight…let’s just say the Ravens don’t get peanuts and crackers.  Their appetizer was a choice of double cheeseburgers or salmon.  APPETIZER.  The meal had a choice of steak I think and lasagna and some other stuff.  It was insane.  Why am I not a man with awesome athletic skill?  Gypped.

The view from our parking spot

Anyhow, game day consisted of me, my father, his coworker Ray, Nobel Prize winner Dr. Moore, this woman they contract with Nancy and her sixth grade son, Christian cruising in our nice SUV.  The drive in was just fine, the fall leaves are gorgeous and something I don’t get to see down in Florida, so I just dug the view.  We got the “Platinum” parking pass, which was an assigned parking space, #24, right in the front row.  I’ll include a picture that I took from the parking space so you will see just how close we were to the stadium and our own entrance.  After a small wait in the security line (during which I got felt up by some woman, bonus points!!!), we entered the building and headed to the elevator to take our private ride up to the boxes.  You have to show your ticket about 3 or 4 times to get into the elevator.  A short ride up and we headed to suite 192.  We were the first of the group there and I took a bunch of pics, some of which I will share with you.

View of the bar and food

Our waiter came in and let us know he’d be bringing the food in within half an hour and he went about setting up the hot plates and getting out the shrimp cocktail.  Some more of dad’s coworkers came in and we milled about the box, gabbing and watching the Boys get spanked by the Rams.  While it’s amusing to watch Dallas lose (if only to see what TO might do on the sidelines), I realized that the Bears/Vikings game was actually good so I found that.  You can watch any game you want up there, which is quite awesome.  The seats are stadium style, but instead of that plastic/metal crap you sit on leather.  There are two rows of those, about 8 seats per row I think, maybe 9 or 10, and then the bar behind that where there were 6 bar stools.   Behind that was the lounge area, with another tv on the wall and 4 leather seats around a little table.  The fruit plate was there, along with the shrimp.  The bar contained popcorn, peanut M&M’s and cashews.  The rest of the food came; which consisted of hot dogs, Italian sausage, sliders, pulled pork, baked beans, chicken tenders, hot wings, coleslaw, chili…and probably other things but that was more than enough.  Rest assured it was good.  I had a hot dog and slider (small burger) and some chicken tenders.  No complaints!  To drink there were sodas and beer and wine, all you could want and they kept it coming if we ran out of stuff.  It was awesome!

Food, drink and TV

Besides food, there may have been a game going on!  hehe The Browns warmed up on my end of the field, so I got a lot of pics of them in the early going.  I did my darndest to get a shot of a field goal going through the uprights, but my cameras delay between press and taking of the pic did not allow that.  I took a bunch of shots of Brady Quinn on the sideline, mainly because my mom likes to yell, “Brady Quinn, Brady Quinn” every time she sees him due to the Notre Dame obsession the media has.  Being at a game that I have no vested interest in was pretty new to me, it was enjoyable but I didn’t have that hyper excitement I tend to have during games involving my team.  It made me more observer than participant I guess.  Dad really got into it, he was a Browns fan growing up and though he supports them now, he didn’t seem to be that into them but he was for this game.  It was fun to listen to him cheer them on.  Most of the people in the box were Skins fans, tho there was some rep for the Raiders, the Pats and the Bears.  Pats girl and I bonded over the loss of Brady and what the Pats could be doing in the rather woeful AFC this season were he around…le sigh.

The game itself was a rather boring 0-0 tie in the first half.  I could have enjoyed a defensive struggle but it felt more like offensive ineptitude than a defensive battle.  The second half perked up a bit with a TD on my end of the field for the Skins.  Clinton Portis had a great day running, much better than I thought when I heard the stats after the game.  He went for 175 yards.  It didn’t feel like it but there you go.  On a personal note, the sun was pounding into the box for the entire first half and the beginning of the second.  I, being a Floridian, had listened and worn long pants and a sweater, the majority being black by the way.  I was roasting by the time the second half hit, but it was a comfortable heat! haha  You can open two windows in the box and the breeze helped somewhat though.

The Skins huddle shortly before their TD

The Browns made things interesting with a turnover following a goal line stand by the Skins, they got a quick TD and got the ball back and drove to field goal range with 30 seconds to go.  Dawson missed, wide right, though, and the game ended, Skins won 14-11.  We headed back out and instead of waiting in the elevator line, walked down with the masses.  The nice thing, of course, was that the car was close by.  The non-nice thing is that you can’t avoid the rest of the people leaving the stadium at the same time.  It took something like 45 minutes to an hour to get out of the parking lot.  That was a mess, my friends.  We were lucky enough to be in the lane we needed, but there was nothing marked for a long time telling us which lane we needed to be in.  Happily I was not driving, so I just sat back and enjoyed the drunk Skins fans.

TD Washington!

Gotta hand it to the Skins fans, they are loud and they are proud and they love their team.  Chris Cooley is clearly their favorite, or the one they most like to yell “Coooooooooolllllllllllll” for.  It’s like Bucs fans with “Ruuuuuuuuudddddddd”.  They get loud at all the right times and the stadium rocks.  I had a very good time and I fear that I am spoiled for all other games now.  I liked the comfort of the box and didn’t feel removed from the stadium experience at all.  I hope that I made you all feel a part of my experience, it was a one of a kind day and I’ll remember it always.  Maybe only getting to do it once will make me appreciate it all the more!  I truly enjoyed my one day of living the high life; hopefully you did too!

The stadium as night falls

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The BCS is always bigger in Texas

AP

First things first: I still dislike Thursday night games, even though this last one worked out well for me.  I just don’t need to be that anxious about anything non-work related during the week.  Secondly, since the Noles played during the week and the Gators had a bye, I really didn’t know what to do with myself.  I went and got my oil changed where I met a Georgia fan who told me to “make sure that they (the Seminoles) beat the Gators” even though the Bulldogs will meet Florida first; went to a drug store where I was chased by a crazy old lady; and spent a good half hour contemplating whether or not I should take my nemesis, Kirk Herbstreit’s advice and order a bacon-wrapped sirloin from Outback Steakhouse to go (I passed).

I also watched a lot of football.  Games I was happy about: Tech beating Clemson (don’t ask me why), Maryland shutting out Wake Forest (honestly it was time) and BC beating Virginia Tech.  On paper this looks pretty dismal for the ACC, but you know what?  I don’t care because the Seminoles are back in the Top 25 and hopefully this time they’ll stay there longer than 6 days.  Games that upset me: Penn State wining over Michigan (the Bowden/Paterno feud lives on), LSU beating South Carolina (I’m tired of them and I enjoy Spurrier when he’s not in the blue and orange) and Texas dominating Missouri (I wanted another upset).

So the first BCS standings came out and I can’t say that I’m really shocked by the Top 4.  I’m not happy about them, but I’m not surprised.  It’s every team that comes after that’s kind of crazy.

 There’s just something about this Texas team that makes me feel like they’re not going to go the distance.  As much as I enjoy saying the words “Colt” and “McCoy” I just can’t see them staying at Number 1.  Plus Texas had the big Rose Bowl victory a few years back and the comeback stories of Alabama and Penn State are more media friendly.  Plus if Penn State wins the National Championship maybe Joe Paterno will retire, Bobby will get the record back and then I can live peacefully.  Speaking of which, while forcing myself to watch the Penn State game, I noticed that Joe Paterno was sitting in the booth while basically every member of the FSU coaching staff (including “Coach in Waiting” Jimbo Fisher) roams the sidelines.  There’s more coaches on the FSU sidelines than cougar groupies at a Bon Jovi concert.  I momentarily wondered what it would be like if Bobby sat up in the booth but then I remebered I wouldn’t get to see my two favorite people: Bobby’s State Trooper Billy and that young man who always walks beside him carrying his headset, so I erased the thought from my mind.

So the BCS has USC at 5 while the AP Poll has them at 6.  I mean, USC scored like a thousand points yesterday!  Yes, granted they have one loss but I think they should be given a higher BCS ranking just because they can shut out teams while wearing uniforms that resemble ketchup and mustard. Is it just me or does anyone else want to eat hotdogs while watching them?

Further down in the polls, we have Florida.  While they are ranked at 5 in the AP Poll (ahead of the Greatest Team of All Time) they are only number 10 in the BCS, behind Georgia (at number 7!!!).  What’s that all about?  Did the BCS have some bad Tim Tebow hot wings or something? Suddenly the Florida/Georgia game just got more interesting.  It’s not just drunks in Halloween costumes mixing it up in Jacksonville, it’s SEC East dominance and a chance to jump up in the BCS standings.  To add further insult to injury, Ohio State is ahead of Florida.  Ohio State!  Seriously BCS, why not just add insult to injury and put South Florida and John McCain ahead of them too?

While on the subject, I feel that South Florida is like the Miley Cyrus of College Football.  Young, came out of nowhere, expoded onto the scene, cocky and then inevitably they’ll fall into an awkward stage where no one cares about them anymore.  For Miley, the young kids will turn on her and begin to worship Selena Gomez and she’ll end up on VH1 Where Are The Now?  while USF will lose a few more games and realize that they’re not the dominant team in the state they thought they were.

In other “can you believe this?” news, I drove past the Georgia Tech campus today and realized I was looking at the Number 18 team in the nation.  I felt like Mugatu, because I, too, wondered if I was taking crazy pills.

Hallucinations aside, next week I’ll be in Tallahassee watching the Noles host Virginia Tech and trying to hustle a press pass since after all, I am a Sports Writer.

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Who needs Thursdays?

I’m just going to come out and say it: I hate Thursday night games.  I mean, they’re right up there with Blackouts and Oregon’s uniforms on the list of things I don’t get about College Football.  Since I’ve already touched on why blackouts are a bad idea (see Georgia) and I don’t have the bandwith to write about Oregon’s crimes against fashion, I’ve decided to stick to weeknight games.  It’s just not Thursday games anymore, college football is on more often than Seinfeld reruns: Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays.  What’s the deal?

Why so much hate for Weeknight Games, you might ask?  It’s totally unnecessary.  I know there are like three hundred teams now but do we really need to cut into weeknights?  Thankfully, when I was in college (I’m dating myself) we didn’t have to worry about Thursday night games (nor did we have to worry about losing but that’s for another blog).  We woke up Saturday, adjusted our days contingent upon kickoff time, went to the game and once we’d sufficiently run up the score, left and went out to the bars.  I couldn’t imagine going to class all day and then dragging myself to the stadium for a night game.  But it’s not just about the kids.  As an alumni, I don’t want to have to leave work early on Thursday, drive all the way to Tallahassee, watch the game, go to sleep (I’m old y’all) and then recover the next day which I’ve also had to take time off for.  Needless to say, I am not attending tomorrow’s game (it’s in North Carolina) but I’ll be watching which means that I’ll have to postpone watching The Office and other assorted shows tomorrow night.  I know, what a sacrifice.  Except that I have to go to work on Friday and win or lose I’m going to be tired (although if we lose I’m going to be tired and cranky).

Another reason that I don’t like Thursday games is all the upsets.  I can’t take all that on a weeknight.  I work all week; I’m tired.  I don’t want Pete Carroll’s disappointed face appearing in my nightmares.  Seriously, what’s up with all the upsets on Thursdays?  USC lost.  USF lost.  Clemson lost and their coach was fired.  (Okay, I don’t think the Clemson lost was an upset, but they could have won their game.  Also, as my dad pointed out, Tommy lost to Wake Forest and got the boot, while Bobby has lost games to them for the past three years (including at least one humiliating defeat) and Jeff is the one that gets his contract bought out.  Does Wake Forest have some goal to break all the Bowdens?  I smell a conspiracy.  I’ll get Oliver Stone on the phone about this.  He can call this movie W…F.

Lastly, I sincerely hope that FSU decides to bring the band tomorrow.  Do you remember two years ago (also on a Thursday) when they neglected to bring the band, instead bringing along some crazy high school rent-a-band?  Bad omen, FSU.  Believe me, that was in one of my Letters of Truth.

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