Sooner than later…USC will rise again

AP

First of all, let me say how happy I am that yesterday was not another soul-crushing Saturday, of which I have suffered many in the last five years. 

Now, on with the AP Poll:

1.) Oklahoma! I like to write Oklahoma with an “!” for emphasis like the eponymous musical.  That’s really all I have to say about them at this point.  I’m sorry; I guess like most members of the media (ha!) I’m just so used to seeing “1.) USC” that my brain has ceased to function.  What’s next? An SEC team that’s not LSU, Georgia or Florida at Number 2?

2.) Alabama: Not that I can really talk (like that will stop me) but that game seemed a little close…

3.) Missouri: I feel like Sarah Palin during the VP Debate because you’re asking me to talk about Missouri but I’m just going to jump ahead and talk about…

4.) LSU: …Something I know.  There, this is so much better.   The Tigers travel to Jortstown, USA next week to play the Gators.  No doubt, Florida will be out for revenge due to last year’s heartbreaker.  As much as I dislike UF, I hope the Gators can bring it, too.  For the rest of this story, skip down to Number 11 (look it’s like a Choose Your Own Adventure)!

5.) Texas: I can’t decide if I want them to win next week or not.  And where are the crazy Matthew McConaughey antics?  He’s the cover boy of Texas Monthly for God’s sake!

6.) Penn State: If Penn State goes undefeated then my head will explode because the Paterno/Bowden rivalry will continue into next season.  They’re like Adams and Jefferson at this point.

7.) Texas Tech: This goes out to my friend, Bonnie, who called me up to tell me that her mother’s alma mater is ranked higher than hers (UF).  She also told me that she was stranded in an Outback Steakhouse in Florida that was only showing MLB on a Saturday night.  I’m sorry, but how is that even possible?  First of all, despite the fact that teams come down for Spring Training every year, it’s pretty obvious that Florida doesn’t care about baseball, I mean look at exhibit a) the Marlins and exhibit B) the Rays. The Marlins have won two World Series titles and the Rays made the playoffs but does anyone care?  (No, because neither team has a ”T. Tebow” on the roster).  I would even venture that Florida really isn’t that big into Professional Football, exhibit C) The Jaguars (again, no “T. Tebow”).  But everyone in Florida loooooovvvveeesss the Gators!  Oh, I’m sorry.  I was supposed to be writing about Texas Tech.  Moving on…

8.) USC:  Eight?  How is this possible?  Is this impacting Pete Carroll’s ability to get into Nobu?  Can Sanchez and the boys still get into clubs or do they have to wait in line like all the kids from UCLA?  What is this world coming to? 

9.) Brigham Young: Let me just get back to USC for a minute.  Remember at the beginning of the year when everyone said that there wasn’t a better team out there and they were almost as good as the Pros?  Have the Trojans been stripped of all that hyperbole now?  Are they just going to quietly go to The Rose Bowl?  How will my heart go on?

10.) Georgia: I wonder if Georgia will stage any more Blackouts.  I don’t mean to be a naysayer, but I’m against them.  Need I remind anyone of the 2006 Florida State Blackout that spawned The Letter of Truth?  Well, I’m sure some UGA Boosters penned their own Letters of Truth this week.  I mean, Georgia is in the midst of a gasoline shortage and all those poor fans drove to Athens to wear their freshly bought black t-shirts only to sit in stunned silence for thirty odd minutes.  I wonder if you can write off “emotional distress due to college football game” on your state income taxes…

11.) Florida: (Continued from #4)  So last year, I was invited to a Gator party to watch the LSU game.  I think I was the only non-Gator there so I had to be on my best behavior.  Of course, when you mix liquor with losing, some people will turn on you, even if you’re just sitting there quietly, eating delicious mini-Oreo cheesecake bites.  Therefore, I’m calling this one for the Gators.  (I just want all my friends to continue to speak to me.)

12.) Ohio State: So for some reason, I was forced to watch this game last night.  I didn’t have any big plans as most of my friends were still out of town so I thought I would curl up with my regularly scheduled USC game, except I live on the East Coast which apparently means I’m supposed to care about the Buckeyes.  But doesn’t my ABC affiliate realize that USC is the most important team ever?  That would be like them withholding showing the VP Debate because I don’t live in a geographical area filled with Joe Six Packs and Hockey Moms.  Oh and what’s up with that “link arms and sway” thing that they do before the game?  It reminds me of the world’s largest game of red rover.

13.) Vandy!: They get an “!” too because they make me smile.  As my mom would say, God bless them!  I hope they win it all.  Then the whole team can be on Anderson Cooper’s show. 

19.) South Florida: I’m skipping, I know and I don’t care.  Just like I don’t care who knows that I wanted them to lose on Thursday.  State of Florida loyalty be damned, if FSU and UF have one loss, then USF can too.  Deal with it.  I think the only Florida team I actively dislike more than USF is UCF, which is odd since my youngest brother goes there.  He can’t be bothered with following the football team as a) no one busts any fat, mixed martial arts moves and b) no one on the team is a cage fighter.

20.) Auburn: Why are they still in the Top 25?  They’re like the Hillary Clinton of the AP Poll.  They’re not going out without a fight. 

21.) Wake Forest: Why are they still in the Top 25?  I know I just said that about Auburn, but I mean it more about this team. 

22.) North Carolina: I’m sorry, I must be hallucinating.  Basketball hasn’t started right? 

Not receiving votes: Florida State: Where’s the love?  Yes, I know, FSU cracked the Top 25 and then blew it.  But you know what?  FSU is in College Football Rehab.  They get released and then relapse and then they show a little promise.  I get that the AP Voters are a little hesitant to give the Noles another chance, but come on…Auburn’s lost twice!  Now, the win yesterday wasn’t pretty.  In fact, it was ten kinds of heinous, but as all my Gator friends always like to say “a ‘W’ is a ‘W’”.  Plus, did you all see those swanky new striped shirts all the coaches were sporting?  They should at least be 25 for daring to wear horizontal stripes.  I mean, Mickey Andrews was kind of channeling Mr. Smee, but while the playcalling can be conservative at times, they’re nothing if not fashion risk takers.  Speaking of people that make the big bucks, was anyone else confused by Bob Griese’s “keys to winning the game” yesterday?  It was like “stay cool” for the Seminoles and “finish” for Miami.  Hmm, while “staying cool” is definitely valid, is that the best you can come up with?  Did you leave your notes in the hotel room?  And “finish”?  Well, I do believe most teams attempt to finish every game, although how funny would it have been if Miami would have just stopped in the Third Quarter and were like “hey, this game’s old; let’s all go to Mansion?”  Now for my weekly “What’s Bobby Doing” moment:  I think Bobby was so excited that he was going to win in Miami (and not fall further behind Paterno) that he went up to several players and seemed to congratulate them on a job well done.  While I thought this was akin to President Bush meeting with the Olympic Beach Volleyball teams for pictures in Bejing, my father disagreed and said it was more like the kindly, retired gentleman that greets you as you walk into Wal-Mart.

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