Going back to Tally

Just call me Chris Farley auditioning for Chippendales because I am working for the weekend.  Honestly, this week was intense.  Here’s what’s been going on:

a) I have to worry that I’m going to be stuck at voting precinct for hours on election day because I’m too busy to take off for early voting,

b) I’m concerned that any donations I make to my political party are being spent at Saks Fifth Avenue and other stores that I can’t afford to shop at,

c) No matter how many times the kindly announcers at ABC remind me, I always forget that Life on Mars is new every Thursday,

and

d) I’ve been sitting in my cold apartment afraid to turn the heat on because I’m afraid OPEC will raise the price of oil (I’ve been reading Fox News online too much).

So here it is, Thursday night and I remembered that I’m supposed to go to Tallahassee on Saturday and watch a football game.  Honestly, I’m just excited to go somewhere warm.  I’m confident that we can pull off a win so that I can celebrate by eating Guthries Golden Fried Chicken Fingers.  If not, I’m drowning my sorrows in Guthries Golden Fried Chicken Fingers.

There are some pretty good games this week: Florida hosts Kentucky for Homecoming, so you know the Gators must not think too highly of them.  Also, it’s an early game so you’ve got drunken alumni waking up from their stupors in their old frat houses so they can load up on Tim Tebow Hot Wings.  I don’t understand the concept of the early Homecoming game.  Let me tell you something, as an alumni, we just can’t stay out late till all hours of the morning watching The Steve Miller Band at Gator Growl and then recover in time for a Noon Thirty game.  We’re old.  That’s why 3:30 games are perfect.  Night games are nice but we’re too old to be up that late.  I think that’s one of the reasons why I keep missing Life on Mars.

Also exciting is Duke at Vanderbilt.  Ha!  I’m totally lying. 

The top three BCS teams are playing this week and while they all should pull out a win, how awesome would it be if they all lost (especially Penn State)?  I mean, that would give the Sports Media something to talk about for days, eclipsing any and all stories about Tony Romo and his pinkie.  Would one of the Big 3 losing count as an October Surprise?  Won’t you be glad when it’s November 5th and I stop relating everything to politics and just go back to making inappropriate connections with film and television?  By the way, what’s up with all those quasi-sports but really more tabloid gossip-stories about who’s going to get to the alter first? Giselle and Tom or Jessica and Tony?  Let me just say right now that I firmly believe Romo will never marry Jessica.  He saw Newlyweds; he’s obviously met her father.  Not going to happen.  Never ever.

Oh and I’m really serious about getting a sideline press pass. I’m a legitimate Sports Writer.  I’ll ask the hard questions that Erin Andrews won’t, such as “Mickey Andrews, what’s up with the pirate-striped polo shirts you all sport on the road?”

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